THE LIST

In 2009’s The Ugly Truth, Katherine Heigel plays a perfectionist looking for Mr. Right. The movie was pretty cringe-worthy, but in one funny scene, Heigel neurotically ticks off her “list” of ridiculous requirements for a potential mate, setting up the moral of the story: when you are constantly searching for “perfect”, you miss the one that is perfect for you. This is a good lesson, because we should have faith in the universe and be open to life’s surprises. That being said, we should also know what it is we need to be happy and fulfilled, and no one should ever compromise their personal values. Rummaging through old boxes recently, I came across a journal from four or five years ago. Although I was in a drastically different place romantically (serious boyfriend), professionally (still in college), and just about every other way you could imagine, the core of my character hasn't changed. It proved that no matter where life finds us, our true selves remain constant, and it is up to us to honor that by being true to our values. Discovering the journal was a good reminder from my younger self of my true values, and serves as a guiding light in pioneering through adulthood. Here I share that list, as well as the lists from wiser and more insightful people.

Me

1. Motivated, focused, and self-confident enough to thrive on my ambition

2. Understands my love for beauty and fashion as something significant to me and innate in me, and does not mistake it for being materialistic, frivolous, or spoiled; instead, appreciates this as an expression of a creative personality, finds it intelligent and intriguing

3. Has the same sense of humor-- you have to “get” a guy, and he has to get you, and you have to laugh together a lot

4. Is dumber than me in ways that I am smart and smarter than me in ways that I am dumb, so we can always make up for each other's weaknesses and honor each other's strengths

5. Understands his man jobs: plumber, electrician, cable guy, computer technician, pest control, picture frame-hanger, garbage taker outer, barbeque griller, coffee maker, party ice getter, drinks orderer, card swiper (even if that card is mine), tip calculator, cab hailer, heavy things carrier, gas pumper, and fixer of problems that would be difficult, inefficient, and / or boring for me to fix myself (and lets me do my girl jobs-- IT issue noticer, interior designer, house cleaner, baker, party planner, social director, charming work party date, road trip navigator, and doer of things best handled by a woman)

6. Is intuitive to me the way best friends are because you should be best friends with your man.

7. Is compassionate, honest, selfless, kind, faithful, and passionate about life

Michelle Obama

With men, don’t be swayed by “cute”: “Cute” is good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, “Who are you as a person?” Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul…When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good…You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole. [From an interview with Katie Couric for Glamour]

Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil has developed a series of questions and guideposts that women can, with considerable reliability, use to predict where these guys will come down on the issues that really matter to them  — marriage, family, respect and values. Rely on all the information available — your observations of his tone, body language and behavior. And trust your own instincts.

1. Will he marry me or is he committment-phobic?

2. Will he be a loving and nurturing father?

3. Will he treat me well?

4. Does he have any major flaws (a sense of entitlement, destructive behaviors such as alcoholism or drug use, questionable morality)?

5. How well does he fit my needs for the Character of Him (his values, his personality, how he is when you aren’t looking)?

Katy Perry

I like a goofy guy. I don’t like how [hot guys] show off– they’re too slick, too hard to keep up with. I don’t have a “type” when it comes to looks, but I do know they have to respect my family and where I’m coming from. They have to understand the work that needs to be done. I don’t ever want to play the “mom” role again. I love saving people, but it is so exhausting… I’m excited to find a partner who can just be my teammate. And there’s got to be respect. For me, that’s hard because it’s easy for me to steamroll guys. I need a man who tells me the party’s over, that it’s time to go home, because [we] have to work in the morning. Drugs are a huge, huge dealbreaker. Substance abuse [and] lack of ambition [are also dealbreakers]. I can’t deal when someone dillydallies through life. You’ve got to have drive– that’s so sexy. [What is also important is] my freedom.If I feel like I’m being controlled, I get crazy. Because I know I made it this far by following my intuition. I think people like who I am, and I like who I am, and I want to be a better version of myself every single day. So stop controlling me! I love music that moves me and makes the hair on my arms stand up. And I want the same thing in my relationships. Either you can keep up or you can’t. When I was meeting people in LA, guys always thought if they paid for dinner they deserved [something]. But I’ll say this, and I’ll say it proudly– I can’t sleep with someone if I don’t have a connection with them. Games are not cute to me. I like a guy who will call. I don’t care about that three-day rule. [Physically, what's important is] their teeth! Oh my gosh, I don’t even care if they’re crooked. But keep ‘em clean. Floss that out! I appreciate a clean man. When I find a partner who is my teammate [I'll be ready to settle down]. I’m not going to play by any rules, I’m just going to go with my heart. Why wait? [Taken from Amy Spencer's interview for the February issue of Glamour].

Britney Spears

Confidence is a must.
Happiness is a plus.
Edginess is a rush.
Edges, I like ‘em rough.

[From her song, "Radar"]