Tuesday, March 6, 2012


In honor of the FW12 Chanel collection which showed today, please enjoy the below mash-up video of "Karl Lagerfeld's Most Ridiculous Quotes" plus a few noted extras for kicks, brought to you by The Cut. The legendary designer "has been saying preposterous things for years", making him a favorite quotation subject of ESS and the world at large. Gotta love him. Enjoy!

On goals:
“My only ambition in life ... is to wear size 28 jeans.” [NYM]
On men his age:
“I get along with everyone except for men my age, who are bourgeois or retired or boring.” [NYM]
On underwear:
“I’m not mad for thongs.” [W]
On ugly people: 
"Life is not a beauty contest, some [ugly people] are great. What I hate is nasty, ugly people ... the worst is ugly, short men. Women can be short, but for men it is impossible. It is something that they will not forgive in life ... they are mean and they want to kill you.” [Vogue UK]
On suffering for his art:
"Please don't say I work hard. Nobody is forced to do this job and if they don't like it, they should do another one. If it's too much, do something else. But don't start doing it and then say, 'Aaaah, it's too much' ... Then, suddenly, they become artists. They are too weak. Too fragile. Non. We have to be tough. We cannot talk about our suffering. People buy dresses to be happy, not to hear about somebody who suffered over a piece of taffeta." [Telegraph]
On children:
"It would have been difficult to have an ugly daughter ... If I were a woman, I would love to have lots of kids. But for men, I don't believe in it." [Interview]

On getting his ass pinched:
"In the whole world, there is nowhere I can go. Everybody has a camera, and it is flash-flash-flash, and I am a puppet, a marionette, Mickey at Disneyland for children to play with. In Japan, they touch me. I have Japanese women pinch my ass, so now I must say, ‘You can have the photo, but please don’t touch me.’ You cannot pinch the ass of a man my age!" [NYM]
On Russian men:
“If I was a woman in Russia I would be a lesbian, as the men are very ugly. There are a few handsome ones, like Naomi Campbell's boyfriend, but there you see the most beautiful women and the most horrible men.” [Metro]
On old age:
“I had a godfather who lived to 104, and his brother to 102, and their mother to 108. When my godfather died, he was totally normal, chic and everything. He got up early and dressed every day. After lunch he slept one hour and walked one hour afterwards ... That is a long time they lived ... They saw a lot. I would like to see as much.” [NYM
On getting caught by a swan:
“Swans, they are the meanest animals in the world, you know. I had problems with them as a child. They hate children. I was caught by one, so I know. The idea of swans is lovely, and they have a beautiful shape, but they seem more romantic than they in fact are. I don't think really they die like this. They just drop dead, hmm? But who wants to see that?” [Guardian]
On ideas:
“Sometimes the best ideas I have are in my bathtub or in my bed or in my dreams early in the morning before waking up … I’m like a TV antennae, I catch it all and do it my way." [CNN]

ESS favorites:
[from Lagerfeld Confidential unless otherwise noted]
"What I love about photographs is that they capture a moment that's gone forever, impossible to reproduce. There's an almost melancholic, ephemeral, fixed aspect to it. It's what makes photography so captivating."

On luck:
"If anyone has been lucky, it's me. I never studied or got any qualifications. I'm a complete improvisation. I'm not even reliable. Although I work hard."

"I work hard. But I hate hard workers. Things must appear to be casual. You have to be serious but don't flaunt it. Like being politically correct: be so, but don't go on about it."

On traveling:
"My nanny made this cushion for me. It's so old and worn now I've always had a nervous stomach, in cars and on trains. I hate traveling without it."

On growing up:
"At some point, you have to stop boozing and go to bed early."

On how to approach life:
"Everything taken lightly, nothing to worry about. It's a good attitude to have in life. Deep down, [my mother] may have been anxious and very serious, but she always exuded frivolity, not taking anything seriously, impervious to circumstance, no birds of ill omen or anything."

On speaking:
"The way you talk! Can't you flower it up a bit? The blunt and primitive nature of your questions is positively distressing!"

On drinking and wearing stilettos: 
"Please, your question is childish. Don't drink when you wear stilettos. I can't advise you to get drunk at home to find out if you would be able to walk in them at a party." [Harper's Bazaar]

On his job:
"People like to think fashion is about being a star. But it isn't. It's work, not the high life.  I don't do it for the travel, the vacations, the skiing... It's all secondary to me."

On the fashion industry:
"Fashion is ephemeral, dangerous, and unfair. To do this job, you must be able to accept injustice. There are other careers. You can work for social security, get promoted, work behind a counter... It's a safe bet. If you want social justice, be a civil servant. "

On being Chanel:
"Pissing everywhere isn't very Chanel." 

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